had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
