He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
