HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
