Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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