I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
50% drunk capacity currently
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
