okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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