im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
