I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
