i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize