There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
