Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
