You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They took my balls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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