I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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