I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize