Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i've created a new STD.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You are the jesus of drinking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
