im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
