4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
