All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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