You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
