I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
