I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
