Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
