My Higher Power is John Stamos
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just found puke in my bra..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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