I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
