That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
