he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
