The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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