she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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