This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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