I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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