yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize