making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
