I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
