if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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