I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
