Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
