good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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