from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What drink are we having for lunch?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize