Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
