how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
