He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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