i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
