How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
