ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
