So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
