It's Friday. Sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
