it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
