i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
