You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
