dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
