dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
