Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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