Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
