It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
