It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
