My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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