She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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