There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
