is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
