from now on my penis is your penis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
