You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just puked most of my soul out..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
