It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
