How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
