We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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